Conways Food And Drug: Andrew
I hate my job. But I love pot. And to get pot, I need money. And to get money, I need a job.
And Conways is the only place that will hire me, what with the pot and all, so here I am.
When I first started here, they made me watch a video where they said that drugs were bad and some other stuff that I don't really remember because I was too stoned.
I think there was a talking shopping cart in there somewhere, but that could have just been the drugs. Lots of things talk to you if you're tweaked enough. Plants, cars, mailboxes. You're never lonely if you're stoned. Everything is your friend. I've actually had some brilliant conversations while stoned. My bedroom wall and I once figured out our own theory of relativity. But I was too lazy to get up and find a pen to write it down so I forgot it.
I don't measure my paycheck in dollars and cents. I measure it in ounces of pot. Seven dollars an hour is X ounces of pot. Every Friday when I go to pick up my paycheck I imagine that it's a giant, two-hundred-dollar blunt.
Reporting to supervisors, having to be somewhere on time, forcibly being nice to people, has never really been my thing. I'm not one of those people who holds the door for little old ladies. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as an asshole or anything. But then again the biggest assholes never do.
And Conways is the only place that will hire me, what with the pot and all, so here I am.
When I first started here, they made me watch a video where they said that drugs were bad and some other stuff that I don't really remember because I was too stoned.
I think there was a talking shopping cart in there somewhere, but that could have just been the drugs. Lots of things talk to you if you're tweaked enough. Plants, cars, mailboxes. You're never lonely if you're stoned. Everything is your friend. I've actually had some brilliant conversations while stoned. My bedroom wall and I once figured out our own theory of relativity. But I was too lazy to get up and find a pen to write it down so I forgot it.
I don't measure my paycheck in dollars and cents. I measure it in ounces of pot. Seven dollars an hour is X ounces of pot. Every Friday when I go to pick up my paycheck I imagine that it's a giant, two-hundred-dollar blunt.
Reporting to supervisors, having to be somewhere on time, forcibly being nice to people, has never really been my thing. I'm not one of those people who holds the door for little old ladies. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as an asshole or anything. But then again the biggest assholes never do.
